The psychology of a rupture

2 Mar

There are lots of psychologies…breakups, make-ups, breakdowns. We read and talk about them everyday. So and so split up, why because he/she cheated. Simple? No because behind it there’s some if not a lot of psychology.

I’ve started to think about the psychology of a rupture. In very black and white terms when you get injured a great deal of your focus shifts to healing. In my case fixing the tendon, putting it back together but there is also your confidence you need to rebuild, a universe to continue exploring and the journey to begin to understand your body again, what can it actually do? Today, tomorrow, next week. Its a constant dialogue and you don’t always like what its got to say.

People say ‘listen to your body’, well mine is giving off two signals, pain and no pain, which I am now fluent in. But the underlying confidence to know that I can do something is missing. Its a massive gaping confusing hole. I now look to my Dr to translate whats in this hole for me. ‘You’re doing well’ is all you long to hear.

A couple of months ago I could leave my flat, for love affairs, career struggles, meet new people and experience everything this great city has to offer. In fact, passport in hand my universe was wherever I wanted to go. Now my universe has shrunk a little and consists of about 100 metre radius of my flat.

I wonder what people with ruptures did before the internet? My life is now 80% digital and 20% real. My conversations still happen in real time but through Skype, social networks and tweets. I work in digital and I have embraced more about the internet and social media and its ability to enable my new lifestyle than what I used to do to feed my professional appetite.

The internet won’t help me heal but it keeps me connected to a world that I can’t participate in as fully as I would like. Observing is fine for a while.

There’s a lot going on here. I’ve never been injured before. the last time i was in hospital I had my wisdom teeth out. So these thoughts are jumbled and slightly incoherent but hopefully it gives you an idea of what’s going on behind the aircast. I am certain that one day in the coming weeks I will leave my flat again wearing two shoes, skipping down the front steps on my way to the tube and the thought of my ruptured tendon won’t ever figure. The psychology may take a bit longer.

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One Response to “The psychology of a rupture”

  1. Rebecca March 3, 2013 at 5:36 pm #

    HI Joy! Thanks for comments. I wish you lots of luck with your recovery. Hang in there you are doing so well! We will be out and about again in no time. I agree thank god for the internet, this site is so good! Rebecca x

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